Do You Want to Look Like a Little Girl?
Happy Friday everyone!!
Thank you so much for your wonderful comments about my veil :D. All of your giddiness rubs off on me and makes me even more happy!
Today I wanted to write about something that my mom said to me and and something she asked me the other day that got me to thinking. But first, let me give you a bit of background on how I’ve been feeling with regard to my body image lately.
As I’ve mentioned before, I’ve decreased the intensity of my workouts this past month. To some people it may still seem like I’m pushing myself hard, and that’s because I am! I am still challenging myself, but I’m no longer overdoing it like I was before. I’m no longer pushing myself to the extreme anymore.
Instead of dreading going to the gym like I was, I now look forward to it again. Instead of feeling lethargic and like my body is struggling to get through a workout, I now feel energized and strong. All of this is great and I definitely think my hip bursitis is thanking me. I still have hip pain sometimes if I don’t stretch it out enough, but it’s nothing near where it was before.
The one bad thing that has come with this is that I’ve been struggling with my body image more than I would like to admit. On top of doing less intense exercise, decreasing the length of some of my workouts, and celebrations around graduation and Memorial Day – I feel sort of blahh. Also, I tried on some jean shorts from last summer and they no longer fit around my thighs. I went to American Eagle and had to go up a size which was really frustrating for me and honestly gives me some anxiety.
Logically I know that I look fine, but that warped mental aspect from my disordered eating days has been rearing its ugly head. I also know that my thighs are probably not bigger than they were last summer, but they are stronger since I’ve been doing different types of workouts. In fact, if I flex my thighs I can see all of the muscle. I’ve also pretty much stayed the same weight, give or take a few pounds.
So back to my mom’s comment and question. I was talking about this stuff with her the other day and complaining and telling her that while I was basically the same weight as I was in high school, my body looks different, feels different, and clothes fit me differently. I was telling her that it’s annoying because that disordered part of me wants to fit into the same jean size as I did then.
The first thing she said was around the lines of “Lindsay, as you get older your body is going to change. Yes, you may weigh the same but your body shape has been changing to basically prepare you to be able to give birth some day.”
And then the question that I can’t stop thinking about: “Lindsay, do you want to look like a little girl? Because in high school your body was still more like that of a little girl than it is now.”
Um wow….when I think about it, NO, I do not want to look like a little girl. I want to look like the young woman that I am….and that’s exactly how I do look right now. I need to stop dwelling on how I looked in the past. I also need to recognize that how my body looks right now is pretty damn good. For the most part I eat really well, and yes I splurge on occasion but I would hate it if I didn’t. I also work hard in the gym.
If this is what my body looks like when doing the things I’m doing, then I should be happy! Sure, I could eat clean all the effing time and workout much harder than I do…but frankly I think I’d be miserable and I know that my body wouldn’t be able to handle it because well duh, I’ve already figured that one out the hard way.
So no, I don’t want to look like a little girl. I don’t want to be miserable trying to obtain that “little girl” body. I need to focus on being happy with the healthy body I have and I need to focus on treating it well.
Anyway, I hope you all have an awesome Friday! Today I’m driving with my mom, her bf, my brother, and my mom’s friend down to Florida. We’re going to Rosemary Beach for vacation! I’ll have wifi down there though, so I’ll be checking in throughout the week :D.